Obviously, I'm not playing seriously with the term bipolarity here, I'm merely using it for effect. More or less.
Sometimes I wonder what my friends think of me, because even though they don't really see my mood swings, they do get to experience my "split personality"; some days, I'm fine not talking to anybody; during those periods, I'm not particularly creative but instead very productive and get things done. This is when I'm a good listener to my friends, measured, calm and collected.
Then, the next day, the smell of rain in the air can make my heart burst in impossible elation and my concentration span shrinks. Though, if the adrenaline's not rushing too wildly, I'm fairly good at disguising this into a slightly more active version of my usual, bubbly, talkative self. Although, actually, when I'm like this, I prefer to be alone, because the pretence makes me feel selfish.
Back to the photo above - it's from last weeks art schools' joint performance, of which ours was the finale.
I love performing.
I really do, and I don't think most people I hang out with realise that, since I'm usually not one to raise my hand in class or offer to help, do theatre or anything like that. I think most people think I'm shy.
While waiting by the stage entrance for our first stage rehearsal, I spotted something on the notice board - they've used my sketch for the summer school program!
The rehearsal went (sort of) well and we returned to school for another week of practice.
The day before The Day, we are told that we can no longer use the music we picked and everybody's a bit frustrated and down ...
This was the music we started out with (and despite me having trouble hearing the rythm if the music wasn't loud enough, I still felt it a shame that we couldn't use it because it would've been spectacular!):
Going from that drama, to this, much more playful piece:
Not only is the style different but it's also much longer, so we had to drag out the performance a bit ...
But there was nothing to be done about that. Fortunately, we've got a fab professor who stayed up late to rearrange the choreography for us.Next morning, after a successful practice, we sat down for a relaxing drink:
This preformance thing - for me - came about because I'd decided that, for once, I'd try to be a little more social - for a couple of weeks at least. So, I talked - initiated talk - in class, helped out with the exhibition etc.
Setting up part of the exhibition/installation:
And I was on a roll, thinking I'd breeze through in no time when, without thinking, I offered to help out with the performance too. And after that, I couldn't back out.
As for the performance - when practicing at home, I nailed it. But, not being naturally musical, I kept getting distracted by everybody else and loosing my place.
Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it just confirmed my tendency to want to take over the group - not becuase I think I'm so much better at it than anybody else but because I'm too influenced by other people. When I speak English with English speaking tourists, I tend to take after their accents after a while; if somebody else is being bubbly, I tone down; if there's a revolution, I get cautious but if the status quo is making me frustrated, I'll be the one trying to find a way around it.
I can't really explain this duality; I like the idea of collaboration but I prefer doing things on my own. On the other hand, the reason I quit tennis once upon a time, was that it was boring playing alone, whereas volleyball is a very tight team sport and I ended up absolutely loving it - because of the team spirit.
But that's all done and dusted now - from today, I can go back to being an invisible ghost in class.
Well, I still have one more day of group activities to get through; nit de Sant Joan is the Spanish summer solstice festivity. I went for just a bit last year, but this year, I'm going with my German class, and our professor has promised to play the white witch on this magic night. I'm not entirely sure of what we're doing, other than that it's on the beach, everybody has to wear white and bathe in the sea at midnight.
Looking forward to that! :)
Looking forward to that! :)